So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
