my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
