you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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