Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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