so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
