I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
