I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
