the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
