I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
