remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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