You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
