We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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