There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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