I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
