This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
