Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
