I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
