My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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