so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
