Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
