Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
