Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
