Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
