Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
