Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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