We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I intend to get homeless drunk
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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