Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
