I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
