you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
