things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I looked at my own cervix.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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