Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
