I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
