i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
