Quick, to the slutcave!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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