Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I supernannyed him into submission
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
