I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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