She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
