2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
