Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I skipped work to stalk him.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
