In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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