woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
