you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
