Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
