is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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