Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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