she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
