I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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