Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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