some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
