If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
