i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
