The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
