last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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