Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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