that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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