I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Im part way to drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
