All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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