tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
