The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
