You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
