Im at strip club and am horny
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Did you just see the Batmobile???
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
