You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
