i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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