The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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